(no subject)

[white_flowers]

She spends more time outside than in, lately, drifting along the lakeshore or through the trees, a living ghost among so many others here at the ends of worlds. At night, the dark, dry-blood red of her gown seems nearly black, and the grey gauze veil over her hair and her lower face gleams coldly in the light of moon and stars. In the day, of course, everything is clearer. Only her eyes remain always unchanged, ice-blue and glinting with diamond brightness.

She has no need to return indoors, and for the moment she prefers not to. It's calmer this way, at least for now, while the gift she's been given continues its work upon her. Blodwen's all too well aware of the changes that have taken place and which are still slowly occurring. She can't quite recall, but she thinks she dimly remembers something like this happening once long ago, uncountable years and ages distant, when last she turned from a mortal life.

For some reason, though, it seems to all be so much more painful this time.

In her inattention, she strikes her foot against a stone. Blodwen hisses in a sharp breath at the jolt and moves past it, continuing along the faint path that she's following, her thoughts already twisting inward once more.

Behind her, the rock crumbles into gravel and dust.



[OOC: Note on appearances; note on abilities and weaknesses.]

Comments

[white_flowers]

"Oh, and I do remember your ship," Blodwen says, softly. "Such a wonder it is."

A pause.

"Do you know, cariad, a young man there is here who asked me much the same question? Why it was that I did not just go away, and leave this place forever?"

[just_the_doctor]

"It is a puzzle to me as well, given how many people there are here who bear you ill will. And what did you tell him?"

[white_flowers]

"Is it so much of a surprise as all that?"

Her expression begins to harden again, as if a lowered curtain or fallen wall is slowly being shored up once more.

"Why, I told him that it was that the very act of returning, my presence here in spite of what had been done, itself was a defiance of that wrong."

[just_the_doctor]

He nods. "Yes, I can understand that. The refusal to be pushed out of somewhere. Even if it is a somewhere you don't particularly wish to be, the fact that someone doesn't want you there makes you want to go there even more, just to prove you can't be ordered about or made to feel afraid."

The Doctor scratches at the back of his head and chuckles suddenly. "It's the same reason I approached you during our very first conversation. For no other reason than I was warned to avoid you."

[white_flowers]

"Were you, dear?"

A flash of temper at that passes over her face and vanishes into sharp amusement.

"A stubborn one you are, clearly."

[just_the_doctor]

"In that, I do believe we are two of a kind."

[white_flowers]

She glances down at their hands, then back up at him, and smiles.

"Perhaps we are indeed."

[just_the_doctor]

He moves his other hand up to her face -- slowly, so she hopefully doesn't see it as an attack -- and brushes the back of a fingertip down her cheek.

"Funny old universe. There is every reason in the worlds for you and I to be enemies. So much of the power you represent is anathema to me, and make no mistake, you have done reprehensible things. And yet, I recognize every shred of it within myself. There are worlds on which my name is a curse, have I ever told you that? Races among whom the whisper of my name brings shudders and worried glances. Sometimes I think that if your enemies knew the worst of the things I have done, they would turn away from you and lock me in a prison even more inescapable than yours."

[white_flowers]

This time, she reacts neither to attack nor defend, but instead merely remains still and accepts the gentle touch.

"No, and you had not," Blodwen says, after a moment, marveling. "I knew you had enemies, to be sure, from what you had mentioned -- but not so many as that, no."

In the next instant her tone flattens.

"Oh and how they would regret it, if they dared try--"

[just_the_doctor]

He smiles briefly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, at how quickly she made the decision to defend him. The next moment, though, the smile fades away once more. "It's hard to be around friends sometimes. Always having to keep part of me locked away, always wondering how they would react if they knew the whole truth. Knowing that no matter how hard I may struggle against that darkness inside me, I can never escape it."

And knowing that it will eventually consume him. He's already witnessed it.

[white_flowers]

She looks at him in silence for several long seconds.

"But escape it you would, if it were that you could?"

A single beat.

"Why?"

[just_the_doctor]

"The universe has enough darkness without my adding to it," he replies simply.

The true answer is much more complicated than that, but he holds that tightly to himself, unable or unwilling to surrender that additional weakness.

[white_flowers]

"Oh," Blodwen murmurs. "I see."

A small sigh escapes her, and she shakes her head.

"Well. Be it so, then. For the kindness you and you alone have done me, cariad, I shall return its like to you... and you alone."

[just_the_doctor]

"Then come with me," he tries again. "Just one trip. There's something I'd love to show you."

[white_flowers]

Fully aware of the nature of the power that she now wields -- anathema to him, he had called it -- she was about to offer the exact opposite.

His words stop the suggestion in her throat, unspoken.

She blinks, once, staring at him.

"Are you certain, Doctor?" A beat. "For if you are, and you are sure, very sure... then yes. I will."

[just_the_doctor]

Anathema, as far as the Doctor's concerned, just means 'bring an extra sweater'. He's never been one to avoid something just because it's bad for him.

"Oh, yes, I'm certain. It's something I'd really like to share with you." He offers her a hand again, half-turned toward the return path.

[white_flowers]

She hesitates, but only for the barest moment.

Blodwen takes his hand and moves to join him.

[just_the_doctor]

It's a short walk back to the TARDIS. He hadn't wanted to be noticed, so he parked farther back into the woods than usual. Far enough that the bar wasn't even visible through the branches.

He opens the door and follows Blodwen into the console room, pausing only to toss his coat over the rack before going straight to the controls and plotting the course. He knows just where and when he wants to go, so in only a few moments, the center column begins to pulse, and that cherished sound signals the start of the journey.

[white_flowers]

She startles a little at the noise, even though she has heard it once before, oh yes. Thin, pale fingers close tightly around the nearest railing as she braces herself for movement.

She tilts her head slightly back, watching him at the controls, and smiles.

[just_the_doctor]

He catches her watching and, in spite of the sadness that still clings to him, he smiles back. This is what it's all about for him. The journey, the sharing, the ability to bring to others a little of the joy and wonder of the universe that he has too long been without.

They re-enter normal space after only a few moments. The Doctor stabilizes the TARDIS, and heads to the door. "This is what I wanted to share with you," he says before pulling both doors back.

The TARDIS is in space, a funny blue box floating free in the midst of a massive swirling cloud of gasses encompassing colors not found on any terrestrial world. The Doctor stands on the threshold and gestures for Blodwen to join him.

[white_flowers]

Her breath leaves her in one stunned gasp as she comes to stand by him in the open doorway, staring out at the fiery glory beyond.

Chaos swirls before them in brilliant explosions of radiance, creation and destruction together at once, and Blodwen sighs in wonder.

"Oh," she breathes. "Oh, how beautiful it is."

[just_the_doctor]

"Welcome to the Orion Nebula," he explains. "Arguably the most beautiful sight in the entire galaxy outside of the Medusa Cascade. And this is a very special part of the Nebula. This is the star factory. What you're seeing out there is new stars being born. Right now, there is new light being created that never existed before."

Destruction may be easier than creation, but rarely is it as beautiful.

[white_flowers]

She slants a quick, searching glance at him.

"Truly, cariad?"

Lightly said, even as her gaze returns to the view beyond them.

[just_the_doctor]

"Oh, yes. The gasses compress, the fusion forms the star, and gravity sends it spinning away into the galaxy."

He looks out into the stellar nursery and stares for a long moment.

"You asked me why I fight," he finally says, not looking at her. "Why I struggle against the darkness. This is why. I want to be a star. I want to be... beautiful."

[white_flowers]

He may not be looking at her, but he has her full attention.

(fire to burn away the dark)

The blue-diamond brightness of her regard is focused completely on him, without even a flicker to spare for the nebula outside.

"To be beautiful," she murmurs, very softly. "And is it you think that you need be of light itself to have that?"